Blue December

Yeah, I'm sure you will be surprised seeing me in this wee hour still posting something, a rant to be exact....

When it comes to the end of the year, I found that I always feel that something is not finished yet but still I can't even finished all of them.

I always feel the urge to express and tell what i have in mind for the whole year...

I am in a condition where I feel like I am alone though I am in a crowd

I always feel that I am no one's favourite though I have plenty of friends who love me back

I am lost in this big big world alone...

I am a big loser to my own life!!

I am nobody

I am me, still the same me, the old me...

Years gone by and now we've come to the end of 2010...

Many priceless and valuable memories happened this year.

Friendship that I am sure will last forever

Career which is soon going to be good and less worried me

New interest to some young Korean namjas hehe....

Problems....same problems with a colleague

A come and go situation

and many more....

Time goes by but one thing remains in my life...

I am still me, still the same me

the old me who has never changed

has never tried to change

I am still me, the lazy me

the old lazy girl who still loves playing round with her own life

the one who loves other but not to be loved

the one who still waits for the miracle to happen in her life

the one who loves God but still leave HIM behind

the one who loves life but ever never be loved??? (haiz....I should've scratched this but couldn't find the way to do that....)

I often asked my self the same question

over and over again

WHY????

WHY this???

WHY me??

[to be continued]

Yogya, December 2010

To A Friend

As the night crawling slowly and the music started to play "That's what friends are for", that's when I realized that today was such a very emotional day. I'm going deep, so deep and melancholic...

People come and go in one's life and so does a friend. One that will last forever is the friendship.

To a friend who has been a best friend and will always be a bestfriend for me, I thanked this person for being present in cheering the days, spending weekends with laughter, spending the nights talking about the weirdest things we have in common, ending the nights sharing all our (im)possible dreams and to the day that went away with wonderful memories.

There'll sure be time to reminiscence the days and to create lots of new memories once again. Without any doubt, I'm looking forward to being part of it.

A friend is the one who will still have faith in you and the one who stays next to you when all people leave you just because you are trying to be YOU...

So, thank you for standing next to me when I needed you most.

Time to stop this almost midnight story. I said what I had and wanted to say.

"...in good times and bad times, I'll be on your side forever more..."

-That's What Friends Are For-

To a friend,

I love you and miss you already...

-Mellowish Me-

10:10pm, 19th December 2010 on the bus from Soroako to Makassar

E.M.P.T.Y

Your heart is empty...empty...empty

Your heart is empty...empty...empty

[JYJ, Empty]

Yeah, JYJ is right....

never thought my heart would be so empty like this

never felt i would've come this way

never crossed in mind that this could be it

I am in a crowd but still I feel lonely....

My Namja!!

credit: dailytofu

My Love for this man is growing stronger =) Right after meeting him in person at the airport, walking besides him and watching him singing and dancing on stage made me realize that he is nothing but just an ordinary guy same as me, you and us. The difference is that he is richer and more famous than all of us keke....

It's been a month and just want to scream my lungs out:
"Bogoshipo nae sarang, Xiah Junsu!!!!!!!!"

Losing Grip

It's been 4 years since u left us.
And yet the 4th is the hardest.

...and here we go again...

I hate when it comes but it keeps on coming.

The feelings of I-want-to-disappear-from-this-world accompanied with an I-don't-know-what-to-do is sure not something I badly needed now.

Trying to recall the memory of when this feeling started.

and it wasn't that long ago.

Will it stop or will it stay?

Will it grow or will it die?

the answer is nowhere but here, here with me?

Put the blame on you and everybody's here

still it doesn't satisfy the "me" side

DAMN!!!!!!!

SOR

11292010

#@$%&

phew…

many things get on my nerves. but i don’t know how to express it. i just feel such kind of lost. sometimes i feel numb and hatred are all over my mind. sometimes i am very ignorance to others, or befriendly though. i keep all of me myself then find it difficult to share with others. one day i am in a rush of love, another i am shrinking in jealosy and anger.

Otokajji??

-sk-

May 17th, 2010

Why …?

Why?

Been waiting for the days to come,

Where intimate fills the air

How nice would it be??

A moment … just for a moment

It is worth to remember

A moment … just a second

It is no longer there

Life...

Full of secrets and surprises

Reality and imagination become one

Nobody can guess what’s next

Not me …

Not you …

Not even us …

So...

Why wonder??

-Mei-

19^th March 2005

A Fool...

A Fool…

u shake my world without warning,

no sound…

in a very smooth way.

startled with that…

it began to response..

slowly but sure,

this lonely heart of mine

is no longer exist.

far beyond my concious…

I am stepping out leaving things behind,

things that will remain silent and unspoken

Hmm…..

no……

it’s not okay!

or …..

ok, just go on….

but….

Ough….!!

somebody help me??!!

feeling doubt and worry…

will i still be the stupid me?

will i still be in the same track again?

will i ended in the same way?

dissapointed adn neglected??

AGAIN………..?

-Mei-

May 27th, 2007

Me and My world

Me and My World

I hate the world today

Feels like ignored inside of me

Those laughing and intimate were gone

Leaving me and my world..

I hate the world today!

Those things are suck!!!

Emptiness and vapidness,

Lived inside me and my world

I hate the world today

Knowing why this could happen

Happiness and purity come to me

Why don’t you……?

-Mei-

[November, 2001]

Reality vs. Time

Time is a good healer

A moment in your life and that’s all

Never worry, just sits back and be healed

Like a scar on your flesh

Turn into horrible mimic

Glancing at, never forget

Sailing across seven seas would be nothing

When will reality become friends?

-Mei-

12th March 2006

Reality vs. Time

Time is a good healer

A moment in your life and that’s all

Never worry, just sits back and be healed

Like a scar on your flesh

Turn into horrible mimic

Glancing at, never forget

Sailing across seven seas would be nothing

When will reality become friends?

-Mei-

12th March 2006

Aku, yang kunanti dan yang kucari

Aku tak tau siapa aku

Yang aku tahu pasti aku berada di ujung semua pengharapan yang aku punya

Aku hanyalah seorang yang berdiri di pinggir jalan

Aku menunggu dan menunggu sampai tiba waktunya

Waktu bagiku untuk menemukan sesuatu yang selama ini kucari dan kunanti

Tak tau sampai kapan hari itu akan tiba

Aku ingin jujur pada aku sendiri tapi sampai saat ini

Yang kucari dan kunanti itu apa aku tak tau

Yang aku tau pasti aku sekarang harus berjalan dan berjalan

Apakah nantinya di ujung jalan aku akan berhenti atau adakah yang membuatku berhenti

Aku tak pernah tau, kamu pun tak pernah tau

Hanya Dialah yang tahu, yang Maha tahu

Akan seperti apakah sesuatu yang menantiku di ujung jalan ini

Apakah itu sesuatu yang kucari dan kunanti selama ini?

Semoga!!

SRK,

17th May 2010

-sk-

Cara Baru

May 5th, 2007

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